Monday, May 13, 2019


Go to the bottom of this page to see a full list of past posts, including a questionaire that can help you to identify the underlying mental/emotional cause of your illness.

One caveat, the more willingness you can muster to be emotionally  honesty and courageous, the better this technique will work for you.

We all have issues that we have swept into our so-called "sub-conscious mind." They are not hidden at all really, but we at some point became afraid to look at those beliefs and their precipitate feelings. It felt like a threat to some fragile solution, or work-around, that we had developed for the interim sustainment of our well-being. But eventually the belief becomes more of a problem than a solution and it becomes time to face emotional facts. Having faced the truth of what you are really feeling and believing, that truth can finally set you free. And you will heal if you act on your new understanding of what is more true and spiritually aligned with your Inner Being.

When you are aligned with Truth as your Inner being knows it, the gap between you and You will close and the need for the illness-messenger will end. It will just disappear, because the message will have been received, read, digested and incorporated into a new way of being.

Good Health and Blessings,

Saturday, April 20, 2019


I, Brenda, copied this from another person's Facebook  page.

These are just two short paragraphs of an article written by John W. Ritenbaugh for “The Berean.”  I pray that it helps someone.

  “Satan's influence is worldwide: "We know that we are of God, and the whole world lies under the sway of the wicked one" (I John 5:19). His ultimate object is to destroy God, but along the way he also strives to destroy any aspect of God's creation, most especially man. He is doing this through inducing human beings to sin in order to bring upon them the wages of sin – death.
  His basic tool for accomplishing this is by means of his spirit. The driving forces of his prideful, deceitful mind and those of his demon companions are deceit, hatred, anger, competition, and destruction, all encompassed within an overweening pride. People absorb them into their thinking processes, becoming like him in attitude and conduct. These characteristics lodge into human hearts and generate resistance to God, His law, and His purpose.”
  John W. Ritenbaugh


Here's my take on the previous post on FB about satan....

I agree with this a way... but there's more to it that the bible and most believers in the existence of a satanic force don't understand. My inner explorations have shown me the big picture.

 There is no satan,  no evil per se, and no one is basically bad.

God is good and everything that is, was made by God. More than that, everything is part of God.  Everything is God and God wants to be FREE... in every part of even to choose to be bad.

However, God did create an auto-self-correcting system, whereby when someone believes something that is not God's Truth, then there are negative consequences for believing that...and worse ones for acting on it. BUT , God truly allows everything, but what goes around, comes around.  That's the law. God metes that out and humans should leave that totally up to The Divine aspect of ourselves.

I've been shown that there is a "condition" (I call "It." ) Its sort of like  a software program that CAN be deleted. 

Just now humanity holds as true a lot of untrue, self destructive ideas that came with this currently popular software.

If anyone is harboring one of these untrue beliefs, they might be swept up into the  "It-paradigm."

But no one is basically bad. God is a Within Being--within everyone and everything....and we are totally within God.

 God is not out there, up there, long ago , far away...nor a male father figure.

Many higher spiritual beings are working on eradicating the it-paradigm from human existence. But it has become deeply imbedded in the human psyche.

E.g., Many people believe that killing people in war and for capital crimes is good or at least ok...necessary.

It is not. Killing for any reason is off. Killing as an ok thing ...ever... is part of the  it-paradigm. Hurting self or others is too. Thinking that the end justifies thd means is a major part of the it-paradigm and is way "off."

There are so many other widely accepted off-beliefs. Anything involving force is off.

Love is the way.

Thats how I see this.

Thursday, February 7, 2019



Why Bad Stuff Happens 

I get to the answer to "Why bad stuff happens,"  through a slow build up of ideas. The answer will make more sense if you follow each of the foundational concepts rather than jumping to the end.

"IT"  is my name for the negative phenomenon that is infecting not only this world, but also some larger realities surrounding and containing this one--there is at least one larger one that I know of. And I have received information from Inner Sources that suggest "IT" has infected many other realities as well. There are innumerable realities within the UNiverse--not just the one we perceive.

The "IT- phenomenon" is basically one central belief that was concocted by one very high being. Stepping back to explain a bit more let me just say that as one goes up through the layers or levels of reality towards God (All That Is, Great Spirit, Great Mother, The Universe) consciousness becomes more and more refined. It notices finer and finer deatila of true reality. Now having said "up" I will correct myself, for it is really going "within."

And in consciousness refinement it is invited by its Inner Being--which every consciousness has ad infinitum--to understand this and that, and when it knows enough it sort of naturally graduates to the next Inner Level of refinement of consciousness. There is a transformation. One is still "I" but with a new sense of self at the same time. One has become more....more aware, more conscious...more refined in perception..more refined in understanding...and more capable of both intelligence and LOVE. The last is the biggy.

Now, in my travels through the Inner World, things are often vague and ambiguous. In fact The Great Mother (as I think of God) IS paradox. She easily embraces the truth of seeming opposites and melds them into one truth. And, when we are using our right brain, these paradoxes are easily digestible--understandingable. They bring an ah-hah! feeling with them. 

However, since we are living in an "IT-Infected Reality" at this time in human "history," we are using only our left-brain much of the time. Our left brain has its own particular polarized eye-glasses that see things in a certain limited way. One of the limitations is that at every moment in human development, we feel like we are at the penultimate of all possible understanding! And we can look back in human history and see many places where we were laboring under all sorts of delusions and limiting beliefs--that we believd were absolutely true! 

And so it is today. We believe we have a really good handle on the nature of reality--we are at or near the penultimate of understanding the nature of all things--but nothing could be further from the truth. In fact we are living in a sort of "Through The Looking Glass" backwards or inside out world. WE are living in the land of opposites. We are, in our origins, Inner Directed Beings. However, under the IT-Infection we have become very outer-directed. The inner world is one made up basically of consciousness shaping energy. That is Quantum Physics.

We use our consciousness much of the time in an outer directed way, and even those who meditate--which is a GREAT first step--still, by and large-- end their session and go back to viewing the world from an "IT-infected" standpoint. However, slowly those who are inner directed for even short periods of time are moving--and helping to move all--towards real TRUTH. The Inner Place consists of spiritual, mental, emotional and psychological phenomenon. The outer world consists of events, physical things, incomplete understanding of human psychology, VERY incomplete understanding of the human body, health and illness, intellectuality, rationality, fear of emotions and anything inner directed.

Part of  the very "new", true, happy paradigm is,  will include understanding the nature of IT, which many call evil, or bad luck, or the worst of human Nature, bum luck, "shit-happens", Cromwellian explanations of why bad stuff happens. It will also include the undertsnading and finding the paradise that is our true destiny.

So this is a new explanation of why bad stuff happens. IT has been infecting the minds of humanity for at least 20, 000 years in the East and 6000 years in the West.

Now this infection by the IT-Condition starts within. Not all that is within is glorious and heavenly. It is that for the most part, by far. BUt their are dark pockets of ignorance lurking here and there and The Great Mother is about cleaning out those dark areas of ignorance.

One of the darkest is when someon--a very high being--decided that what was needed, on Earth Reality and many other places , was a faster way to achieve enlightenment--to move from one level of consciousness to a deeper inner one. He wanted the graduation from one-self to the level of its Inner Being to happen more quickly and easily. This is a highly laudable aim. 

We are all meant to be in conscious awareness of our Inner Being. Many are; they might call it their guides, or their guardian angel, or Jesus or other things, but it is always our Inner Being. Our Inner Being is our hot line to Or Divine Self at the center of our Being. That One Self is shared by all. We all have the same Divine Inner Being at our center. But we have a chain of  individualized Inner  Beings--each withn the last--who have the skinny on what our Divine Self wants for us. 

We dont need to follow their invitations towards our center, but it behooves us to do so. AND there are increasingly unpleasant consequences if we choose to ignore these wise inviations. Many fear that they will lose their independence and individuality, their freedom by accepting these invitations. That is the beginning of the IT-Infection. That's the first really "Off" belief that gets people moving away from who they really want to be--a happy being. Ignorance begins to set in and worse leads to worse.

Well this High Being who thought up the IT-Solution thought he had the best idea ever for bringing people back into the fold--a fold we all want to be in. He thought he had a great idea for a fast-track to enlightenment and linking up with their Inner Beings ...and their Divine Self.

The only problem was, he was bullshitting himself. He undoubtedly heard his Inner Being whisper to him, "Not a great direction." But for his own reasons, he chose to ignore the warning. And Ibelieve I understand why he did that. I'll share my conjectures on why he blew off his Inner Being's advice--and eventually blew off his Inner Being himself/Herself, later.

But first I'll explain what I perceive to be HIS ViSION--his vision for the perfect Universe--the solution to all problems everywhere, the solution to the problem of the general slowness of personal evolution through the planes of reality and spiritual understanding. He felt very strongly that he knew how to bring Beings (human and other wise) along towards their Divine Center faster.

And his solution was...drum roll please...PAIN!

He, being a very High Being could manifest in huge ways, vast ways that echoed down through "time" as it were, and that spread like roots of a a wisdom tree. The thought form he conjured with tremendous energy, enthusiasm and belief in himself, would even be self-transforming so that it could EVOLVE. It could counter any attempts to curtail it. It would be like a computer chess program that could constantly learn from itself and others and constantly refine itself into perfection--an indomitable, eternal program that would solve everything! It would bring everyone to enlightenment and their Divine Center much faster.


It was based on a false major premise...AND it was born of  an impulse that came...NOT FROM HIS INNER BEING...BUT FROM HIS "INTELLECT" as it were. It felt like a brilliant idea, but he didn't check for alignment with his Inner Being...who was saying quietly but strongly...."not wanted! Wrong path." "Let me hlep you see what is truly motivating you." But he ignored all the messages from his Inner Being. He was so jazzed by the beauty and perfection (he thought) of his brilliant scheme.

So this was the first step out of paradise that the biblical story ( a twisted one) alludes to in the tale about Adam and Eve and their ejection from the Garde of Eden.

[to be cont.]

Friday, January 25, 2019



This morning I started reading a book recommended by a friend of mine--a man who is a player on the world stage—influencing literally millions. The book is written by a couple of smaller players, but still very big by most comparisions. The authors feel passionately that they have identified the problem with the world today and propose solutions.

But to me, one of the billions of “just regular folks” who read these treatises and try to get something out of them, they seem to be thinking inside of a little box . There is a larger scenario that the box exists within. I have made the outline  of the circle fuzzy to impy that that this larger “context” is limitless. It is out-there/in-there that the answers to all of the problems the authors address actually exists.

The box in the center represents the intellect, which the majority of our most revered men use almost exclusively (Einstein DID use more—but not that much more.) These revered men (some with Rev. in front of their names even!) are the ones with the high IQ’s, lots of letters  after their names, brilliant academic resumes, awards up the wazoo. However, to me they are still functioning  inside that little black box and only occassionally are expanding  the edges a tiny bit.

However, more and more of us regular folks are saying—“This is not enough. There’s an easier way and answer that even the most “un-lettered” among us can get. In fact we all came with the ability to get the  answer, as an installed program.

But there has been so much spam, and distractions that this beautiful simple answer has become lost/buried to many of us.
But many others are stepping out into the blue circle enough to be able to see the big picture and are shoveling aside the garbage we have downloaded, including the viruses. We are unearthing a natural bulb I call “The Answer to Everything.” And when we have found it, and consumed it, it is utterly amazing  to us how esoteric and difficult  we made everything while we were thinking just inside the box—existing inside the box—only using our intellect.

It’s so different from what we have been believing that we sometimes feel like its hard to be that simple! It takes some practice.

Thursday, August 9, 2018

Moving From Forcing Everything to Allowing Everything.

Why Trying to Control Others is a Bad Idea

August 9, 2018

 I believe the world is changing from a "Forcing Everything" paradigm to an "Allowing Everything" paradigm. We are in a major paint-it-big-enough-and-bright-enough-and-nobody-sees-it paradigm shift. This shift is wonderful. Now, to give a clearer picture of the shift I am perceiving, I will divide this essay into three parts:

First: I will paint a picture of an extreme example of a card-carrying member of the old "Forcing Everything" paradigm--including why he (and we) signed up as members of that belief system.  

Second: Then I will show how we all are carrying the same card, to one degree or another, at this stage of human psychological/spiritual evolution.  

Third: Then finally I will describe the stage of human evolution we are just heading into--one in which "Allowing Everything" becomes the norm.

Hitler is my example. As outrageous as it might seem, I think of Hitler as an idealist.Allow me to explain: He wanted a better life for himself and a better world for everyone. To do this clean-up he relied heavily upon an IDEA he had hit on in childhood. However, his idea was based in a false deduction he had struck on when he was sexually abused by his Jewish Uncle.  

All children make false deductions. In addition, for some unknown reason children's deductions quickly become broad generalizations. For example, a person having been bitten by a dog in childhood will often grow into an adult who fears all dogs for the rest of their life. In Hitler's childhood, he was "bitten" by a Jew. He was forcibly invaded--body and soul--by an adult male Jewish relation. This became his intial target--Jews. However, later, his fear and hatred generalized to include other groups who were "different" from him.

His emotional response, as a child, undoubtedly, was the same sheer terror that most sexually abused children feel. It makes them feel as if the abuser/invader is the essence of all that is evil in the Universe and that it is out to take their soul--and never return it. It is beyond the powers-of-imagination of most non-abused adults to conceptualize or feel that degree and depth of soul-terror. This terror is so powerful that it oftentimes forces the soul-personality out of the body and back home to the larger happier reality we all come from. The child goes unconscious--just as someone does who is hit hard physically on the head. This is called dissociation. It's all part of the package we label “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,” or PTSD.

Thus Hitler, as with most abused/traumatized children, after first feeling stark raving terror for some time--perhaps years--eventually felt rage--perhaps at puberty. (Anger is actually a step up from paralyzing fear.) At this point, many PTSD males turn their anger outward against others and females turn it inward against self. Males will want to control and destroy others, females to control and destroy themselves. That however, is a generalization and is not always the case.

Projection happens in both genders and the chosen object—selected during the deduction phase—is seen to be the underlying cause of the projectors problems. Their fear and anger is now subconscious—pushed out of the main focus of the consciousness—and into a paradigm box into which more and more false deductions are thrown—all  based on false major premises.

PTSD Females tend to feel like victims and males like avengers. Hitler was an avenger. In addition, the most bizarre thing about this whole syndrome is that most people do not learn from their abuse, but instead PASS IT ON. Force was used on them and they will use force when they can, to try and get rid of the pain they carry deep in themselves. Hitler was forced to submit to his Jewish Uncles unwanted attentions/invasions/dominations and thus he went out to avenge himself and to make a better world for himself and others by using force against those he feared and hated—not just his Jewish Uncle—but all Jews—who to his child mind’s deductions were responsible for all the evil in his life and in the world. Therefore, his infantile logic told him he must set about assiduously ridding the world of Jews...and punishing them as he went.

Unfortunately, there were many people in Germany at the time with similar beliefs and feelings—coming from various forms of childhood abuse which is pandemic in our left-brain dominant world culture. Most all of the Germans were resonating together with Hitler.  In addition, in my mind, none were more responsible for the holocaust than another; Hitler was the titular head of a nationwide paradigm. The Germans set about to rid the world of its chosen target--the identified problem—Jews. The Jews were the scapegoat for all the fear and anger that—not just in Germany--but in our worldwide culture  at the time. The world is still wallowing in it today,  to a large extent—although it is abating, in my estimation.

We all, as the human race, have signed on to the same thing Hitler, Germany and others subscribed to—it's called “Forcing Everything.” I also call it a left-brain paradigm (my short hand for a larger concept.) In general, we have over the past 6000 years in the West and 20,000 years in the East left off using the powers and propensities of our right brain and have put most of our consciousness-eggs into the left-brain basket.

The left-brain is the physical channel for the part of our consciousness that needs to look at the surface of things. It is our short range-thinking mind. It is closely connected to physical reality and what our five senses tell us is real. (We do have more senses --inner ones--that can come through the right brain). The left brain is predominantly outer-directed and it perceives “outer reality” as being objective and real. It prefers to use rational thinking and to make up many laws and rules by which to govern itself and others. It fears and ignores emotions and tries to stifle and control them in self and others. Nonetheless, the emotions rage on and have enormous impact on the left-brainers—but since they have consciously left them out of their awareness-egg-basket, they have very little understanding or control over them at all.

Unfortunately, most of our intelligence comes to us through the right brain—which the left has eschewed --and the powers of which it has attempted to co-opt.

 As mentioned above, we do have more senses, but they are right brained and inner. The right brain connects us to our vast non-physical consciousness. It has the big picture. It has the big power or I prefer to call it—effectiveness. It does not try to control itself or others in terms of oppression and suppression of emotions. It values emotions tremendously as the guidance system we all came equipped with--but were taught to ignore.  It knows of its own Oneness with all and so does not want to use force against anyone or anything. It knows that in the big picture, everything is coordinated and orchestrated and choreographed. It is a vast structure that supports freedom and well-being. Love is rampant there –as is bliss—true bliss—not just conceptual.

Therefore, we all are not unlike Hitler in our subscription to the “Force Everything” paradigm. We make up rules and laws for ourselves; or we accept the rules and laws of others—most of which were based on false major premises, generalizations, deductions made out of fear-driven, left brain limited perceptions etc. etc.

We, the human race, have chosen to run on one cylinder in an eight cylinder vehicle by eschewing the powers of the right brain channel and the higher consciousness that can come through it if we open the door and invite it in.  Women in general have had some slight advantage in accessing this part of themselves; we speak of women’s intuition. However, women, these days, having forced their way into the old boys club of the left-brain are now card-carrying members of the “Force Everything” paradigm as well.

However, women have forced their way into the military, business and politics ...with males resisting like mad.

I have much personal experience with this part of the syndrome--as I tried to get in for a long time.  However, I am finally coming to realize that my difficulty in getting into the old boys club was a gift from The Universe--and I should not try to force those who don't want me to accept me. It may sound like sour grapes, but truly, there is another better life outside of the left brain, masculine paradigm of what is good, allowed and worthy of pursuit. In addition, the right brain paradigm (which will include the left brain powers as well) is very, VERY different—and better. However, we needed to go through this—as both victims and perpetrators in the playing out of using force and being excessively outer-directed.

Here’s an example from my own life:
I wanted to be a lawyer. I had scored high on the SATs—over 1400—and my scores on the LSAT’s (law) were lower—I thought. However, I applied to U. Maine Law and received an invitation from the dean to meet with him. I walked into his office. He stood up and offered his hand, which he used to hold mine very firmly while he spoke. He said, “Don’t bother to sit down. You did not get in. Your scores were too low.” Then, he escorted me to the door and shut it firmly behind me. This was 1971. I was shocked, and very disappointed. A few months later, I was at a cocktail party to which many lawyers had been invited. At one point, I found myself standing in a circle of men. I asked the one next to me what he did. He said he was a lawyer. I said, “Oh I wanted to be a lawyer. I applied to U.ME Law, but I could not get in.” He asked why. I said, “My scores were too low.” He asked what they were, and I told him. At that point, the whole circle of six or seven men burst out laughing. I asked why. The man next to me said. “I went to U.ME law, as did all these men, and my scores were NO WHERE NEAR WHAT YOURS WERE!” And they all set to laughing again. I asked why the dean would tell me mine were too low, and my new friend said, “Oh that’s just Dean _____. He hates women. Doesn’t want ‘em in his law school. They all set to laughing again and I walked away dumbfounded and numb.

Hearing this story, some people have asked me why I didn’t sue. Answer-- It didn’t occur to me. I just took it as yet one more blow in a culture that diminshed women. I had experienced much similar discrimination. I accepted defeat...again. However, this time I allowed it to lead me to more.

It led me to ask myself what I really wanted to do...and the answer was --study spirituality. And so, by not smashing my head against a door that was closed to me—or would only open with force-- I stumbled onto an extremely rewarding path in life--one meant for me. Many mysteries have been revealed to me on this path. It’s worth 20 law degrees to me, for I now know the few basic laws of the Universe and am slowly coming to be able to apply them to myself for my own best benefit.  I have come to understand many of the basic causes—and solutions—for the ills that plague our outer–directed, left brained world. I have avoided many of them by taking the course of least resistance. I have learend to allow the old boys club and leave it alone. That entity holds little interest for me anymore—that culturally constructed reality. There is much suffering within the walls of that men’s and male-wannabees’ club. I have truly found the club I belong to by going within and I go within by using my right brain. And I am learning masses of valuable skills—skills I call spiritual gold—the only gelt you can take with you into the beyond.

So I look at myself and others and I see that we are forcing ourselves all the time--yes, I still do it to myself, but less so.) We force ourselves to go to work when we don’t want to. We force ourselves to accept outer authorities and their punitive or debilitating measures. We force our children to go to school and study what “authorities” say they should study. We force ever-increasing mountains of laws, rules, and regulations on ourselves and each other.
Draco was mild compared to how we treat ourselves and other’s these days.
We force ourselves to eat foods we don’t like. We force ourselves to not eat foods we enjoy and in quantities we don’t like. We end up feeling deprioved.  As a nation, we approve of and use force on other countries and individuals--as well as many of our own citizens. And we allow that we will be recipients of the same. War is allowed in our world. Domination is considered de-riguer and interrupting in conversation (a domination technique) has become the norm. Statistically, most of the interrupting-domination is done by males towards females. But adults towards children, male to male and female to female is common. Least common is female interrupting male. Landlords use feudalistic and Draconian domination techniques towards tenants. The list goes on and on.

Nonetheless, in my spiritual path I have been led to see that a better world is coming. ALLOWING EVERYTHING is coming. This course of action is based on three main spiritual laws.
1) All is Within
2) The Law of Attraction
3) All is One

[See the YouTube videos of Abraham/Hicks for fuller explanations of these.]

I am just at the beginning of my learning about this course of action so I can only sketch it in. Each person will eventually come to understand its efficacy and then this planet, and many other realities, will be transformed.

To explain a little, one more aspect of the left-brain perceptions is that it sees itself as separate from all others. Its own individuality and independence and freedom are supreme to it. It doesn’t realize that by trying to rule without the Feminine right brain it is putting itself in prison—or hell. It is limiting itself severely when it only identifies with the left-brain channel of consciousness.

The right brain is very comfortable with paradox. Within its paradigm/reality we can all have our cake and eat it too. My best benefit is your best benefit, but it must be seen through a larger perspective, not the short-range mind of the intellectual/rational/delusional left brain. (It can look inward and see things more clearly.)

There is complete freedom here and everywhere. We can try whatever we can conceive of, but there will be consequences—for good or bad—that will inform us of whether we are working towards only our short-range conception of our personal good, or for a larger holistic good that includes and guarantees good for everyone. And since everyone is ultimately ourself, we cannot lose by moving in the direction that our right brain/intuitive Feminine mind invites us to.

No one is ever forced by their larger, deeper Inner Self to do anything. That Self only quietly invites. But whatever we ask for we will get. Our vaster Inner Self tries to give us as little as possible of what we don’t really want and lots of more of what we do really want. But we can force our way past the wisdom of our Inner Being and persist in our self-destructive/other destructive courses.

Force is "off."Trying to control others is "off." Allowing Everything is "on." And by “Allowing Everything" to our vaster Inner Being we will truly get the best of everything for ourselves and others. There is enough for everyone. There is no need for competition for seemingly limited resources or power (effectiveness). Resources are unlimited. All effectiveness is readily available within ourselves—especially once we begin to get to know and identify with our Inner Being. Through that connection we learn the amazing power of our mind. And we come to understand who we really are—within ourselves and in relation to so-called “others.”

The path is amazing and we can begin by understanding our own personal power and by not allowing ourselves to be dominated by others. There is always a way to get what we truly desire without being "against" others.We can stop believing in an objective external rock-solid reality and to understand how plastic, inner  and malleable true reality is. If someone persists in trying to dominate us we can allow that they are doing that; we can allow that their behavior is “off”; and we can allow that there is better; and we can allow that our Inner Being is on the job bringing it to us; all we need to do is stay open and receptive in faith as to the power and goodness of our inner Being—and everyone’s!

So I truly see a paradise coming. I know it is coming. But we will all have to play our part by ending force in every way we can. Stop forcing ourselves to do things our bodies or emotions resist. Stop pushing or forcing others. Trust ourselves and others—we are all being held in a state of grace. And learn to LOVE more and more—first ourselves and then others. A much bigger brighter future cannot help but arrive if we can do these things.

Thursday, July 26, 2018

Beyond "it": As in Interrupting

July 26, 2018

 Image result for man and woman arguing

Interrupting as Conversational Domination

This is the first in a series of essays on the death of  the "it" paradigm and the birth of something better.

There is a current world paradigm that, while in some ways seems to be spreading, in other more powerful ways is definitely on the wane. I call it "it". The "it" paradigm is based on force--forcing oneself or others. For example, war is part of  the "it" paradigm, but "it" also shows up in many small ways.

I want to share one of the small ways I am noticing "it" in my life lately--it is in the conversational battle strategy of "interrupting."

I have been aware of conversational interrupting as a domination technique for a long time. I noticed it first predominantly as a technique used by many men. Then I began to notice it as a technique used by women who were trying to join in the patriarchal paradigm--male wannabees. The patriarchal paradigm is extant world wide and is subscribed to and co-created by men and women equally. It  has been around for many thousands of years--but once was not. In fact for most of the 2 million years of human history we had another more feminine paradigm. But that's another story.

As women have tried to become "more" within this paradigm they have envisioned that "more" as having, doing and being more like men. They think of that as "being equal"--and they want that. Few have envisioned a very different paradigm in which the genders are not equal, but quite different. They have different roles and abilities which are held within each other. Both are needed, but in right relationship.

So now I am thinking of a woman lawyer I had meeting with once many years ago. She was young, energetic and very forceful....and she continually interrupted. I finally interrupted her and pointed out what she was doing and that I didn't like it. I told her she seemed to be assuming that she knew what I was going to say next--and jumped there ahead of me--and was usually wrong. I told her I was not garrulous and could come to my point quickly, but I would appreciate it if she would give me the courtesy of allowing me to complete my thoughst. She looked genuinely shocked...and she stopped interrupting and began listening more attentively. It felt very much better. Doctors are perhaps even more notorious for interrupting than are lawyers.

That was the first time I had ever stood up for myself in regards to being interrupted. Later on I tried it with men. Usually I would be in conversation with some woman in one room, when a man would walk in and immediately begin talking--interrupting our conversation as if it were not at all important and whatever he had to say was, of course, extremely importantly. Ordinarily when this happens both women stop talking and give him their attention as if he had the right to it--which he believes strongly. However, I began to not allow this. I would interrupt him and say something like--"Louise and I were in the middle of a conversation; could you please wait until we are done." He would be shocked and she would usually be shocked as well but usually pleased.

However, just recently I was talking with a woman and was sharing something very significant to me...and that I thought was to her as well since she had expressed it so well in her art...but a man walked over and started talking to her--interrupting what I was saying at a crucial moment. I interrupted back and said we were talking and would he wait please. He looked shocked. She looked unruffled, turned her attention to him and ignored me. I got up and left.

Later I realized that it was her way of saying no to hearing something that was "too much" for her. People send various signals when they are beginning to hear something they are not ready for. Their cell phone might ring, or their attention wanders, they yawn...or they call someone in (telepathically and subconsciously) to interrupt the conversation. So I am learning a balance between not allowing force to be used on me and not forcing a subject on others that they are not ready for. So interrupting can mean a couple of different things. It can be invited as "victim" or as a statement of preference.

Interrupting happens in other relationships as well--dominance still being an issue though. I have  observed some parents correcting their children about interrupting them, but then they constantly interrupt their child, without apology.

Some people do talk too much and when I find myself getting bored by someone who is dominating a conversation I usually just walk away. But occasionally I ask them if they realize they are talking without allowing my response--or with interrupting and ignoring my attempted response. But more and more I am learning to allow everything. If people are wanting to dominate me by interrupting when the conversational ball is in my court, then I just allow it, but stop looking at them. But if they still don't get it-- that they have lost my interest--I just walk away.

"it" can only exist if we feed it and by not allowing force during conversation we will be starving it out and creating space for something better. The "better," in terms of conversation will be a sort of inner listening while at the same time listening to the other person. By inner listening I mean, I am listening, not to my own thoughts, but to my feelings. I stay aware of my feelings as I listen attentively.

Many people listen to another for a moment and as soon as they hear something that reminds them of something in their life, they free associate to that, interrupt and tell their story. That's not "better." By "better" I mean a type of conversation that includes Inner Listening on both people's parts. This sort becomes a lovely game or dance. It becomes a source of new valuable information for both. Both are actually dancing with their Inner Being, even as they dance with each other.

Thus when we have starved out the "it paradigm" from existence, conversation will be vastly more enjoyable as each one instinctively knows what to say next--a statement? a question? an anecdote? and they will know exactly how long to talk and when it is time for silence or for the other person to speak. Musically speaking its the difference between chaotic combative dissonance and harmonious inspiration.