"Talking and Listening"
Peace Negotiation Process
1. Select a mediator who understands the Talking and Listening Process. The mediator’s only job is to help the participants to remain within the guidelines as outlined below.
· Stay with expressing your feelings as much as possible.
· Take responsibility for your own feelings. We always choose to feel whatever emotions we are experiencing. No one else can make us feel anything.
· Use “I” messages -- as opposed to “you” messages.
· Do not add new material or responses until it is your turn.
2. Establish Personal Peace by doing a brief meditation first. In it, reach upwards and inwards in order to merge with your God-Self. Just close your eyes; focus on your breathing; allow thinking to drop away. In the empty space you will automatically merge with your God Self.
3. Know that you are always One with your God Self, and at the same time you are “independent.” The personal you is an aspect of God sent to experience life in a unique way.
4. Know that the person you are in dispute with is also God. Know that you are both One in God. Look at them and try to see this.
TO BEGIN THE DIALOG:
1. Person A is the one who has requested a T & L mediation with Person B. Person A goes first.
2. Person A expresses their feelings in one short sound byte--e.g. “I feel angry at you because....”
3. Person B responds only by repeating back or rephrasing what they heard Person A say. Person B does not add any of their own feelings or try to correct A at this point. Their only task is to listen carefully and to feed back accurately.
4. Person A either accepts the feedback B has given or corrects them. If they correct then B gives amended feedback until A is satisfied.
5. Person A goes on giving short sound bytes of explanation about their position and feelings. Person B continues to give feedback only. They go on until Person A has stated all of their views and feelings.
6. Then Person B has a turn at stating their feelings and thoughts in small sound bytes, while Person A listens carefully and gives feedback—as above.
7. At the end both will likely feel a sense of resolution. If they do not, the mediator can invite them to look at changes within themselves that they can make that will improve the situation. They can find the conflicting elements within themselves and allow a dialog as above between them.
8. There is no need to ask others to change. When we find the war within ourselves and make peace there, the need for outer “wars” or disputes dissolves.