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Friday, November 9, 2012

The Ego-Mind and Momentum

11/8/12

It just struck me how odd it is that it is so hard to change. The Great Mother is all about change. There is a Pagan chant and song that goes  like this, "She changes everything she touches. And everything she touches changes!"

And since she is All That Is that means everything must change. There is a certain ineffable something that remains the same--the soul? It feels like a point of observation a "me-ness" or "I-ness" that is a center still point through which change flows.

For example, I look back on who I was as a child and then as a young woman and I am not those people anymore--and yet I am.

And I don't think this I-ness is my ego mind, although it looks out through it. I know I am vastly more than that.

But this morning as I was brushing my teeth and V was rambling on about something in my mind (see the "Hearing Voices" page in this website.) We were both struck by the fact that change was so hard for him--and me. And yet we do seem to be changing. I am not changing fast enough for my ego mind. And I think a part of him feels the same, but there is an extremely stubborn part of him that resists change mightily. And this part of him reminds me of my ego-mind and intellect.

I think of political conservatives as resisting change and wanting to control everything from their ego-mind and intellect. Once one begins to expand beyond the ego-mind and the left brain, it seems to follow naturally that one is more open to change. We loosen up and become more liberal. I used to be politically liberal. Now I am off the chart apolitical and totally out of the realm of government and managing and controlling everything. I know there is a flow to things.

I did not vote the other day. And the whole political scene  and news just bores me to tears. It used to have interest for me--some anyways. But I have changed.

And yet there is change I want to make that seems to be coming so slowly. I back and forth all the time. I want to paint daily. I want to write daily. I want to build a successful business for my fashions, I want to build cooperative communities for women and children. I want to connect more closely with my Entity Self--whom I call ES. Yet my advancement seems so slow. I still waste time watching TV and movies, or sleeping a lot. I seem to need these things at this point. But another part of me wants to release them and get going on the important stuff!

And then I watch V--who seems to have changed a lot as well. He was doing really well a while ago--and has his enlightened moments off and on during the day, but when he gets into what I call his "Growly Guy" mode or personality he convinces me he was just tricking me about the other guy--his authentic self. GG is very into not changing--especially if it implies any sort of compliance with what he calls "coming along" meaning spiritually. His whole raison d'etre seems to be to do the opposite of what he thinks somebody else wants for him. So in essence he is trapped in rebellion and is not free at all. He thinks he is free by being totally rebellious and careless--even unto diminishing and damaging himself profoundly. So I am not sure if he is changing or not.

But again it comes back to --who is I or me? We seem to be made up of many aspects or moods or modes. And we change from one to other like water flowing. Dr.s Hal and Sidra Stone have written about the psychology of these selves beautifully. They say we can change in a split second from one to the other and then back again. Basically we all have multiple personalities.

But I started out by writing about the momentum of the ego mind--having watched V go back into GG and insist once again he would never come along. Maybe "he"--GG won't. Seth talks about us all having probable selves. These are aspects of our self that we can develop--split off and focus on deliberately.
They can be either expanding or contracting personalities. Seth also says if we get far down a path developing one and don;t like it we can always refocus on the part of us we do want to develop and in a sense create a future path to follow that merges again with the probable path we could have followed in the first place.

So I still have not addressed momentum. But it does often seem difficult to change lines of development, or projections by our ego mind about where we want to go. There is the whole habit thing too--neuronal pathways burned into our brains and minds--ganglions that have to literally forcefully be abandoned and used less and less. When they are fully abandoned that physical pathway in our brains literally shrinks and disappears.

Thus any pathways of the mind, developed by any aspect of the Self can be developed or abandoned. And we have free will to choose which we want to do.

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